Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Things I Learned Today

1. Smiling makes you happier. Unless smiling sans reason makes you unhappier.

2. Standing with your hands on your hips in a strong heroic pose makes you more confident. Wonder Woman wears tiny clothes.

3. Memorization can be improved by filing facts within your house absurdly. This includes Britney Spears.

4. Printing errors can perforate pages but not completely shear them. My book looks like a coupon.

5. No matter how big or small the cat, they all seek to capture their own tail. It is an illusive stranger, stalking them all of their lives.

6. Happiness precedes success. Apparently we were lied to when we were told success would bring happiness. Mostly it has only brought student loan debt.

7. Life is a game. Gameplay adds minutes to life. Live forever. Make everything a game.

8. Everything I have ever known about tying shoelaces is wrong. I shall endeavor to correct this immediately. Just as soon as flip-flop season is over.

9. Who's more crazy? The fool, or the fool who follows him? Apparently the second man in is the trend-setter. Or the one most likely to be thrown in the penalty box.

10. Life may or may not be judged in actual experience points. It depends on who you assume is keeping track.

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