Phil wasn’t like the other dogs; he wasn’t “into” fetching or running or the X-Box. He liked Oprah. He watched her on repeats at noon and before Judge Judy at six, and again, after his people went to bed. He’d even programmed the DVR to record while he was asleep, and he’d “accidently” subscribed his human dad to her magazine. When other dogs made fun of him on the dog-only internet forums, he’d simply hack their computers and make them regret learning to read. His love was good and clean and pure. And he’d destroy anyone who told him otherwise.